Cheap-ass Movie Reviews

I know we Have XBFC Movie Night and Lark & Nugent's Cinematic Adventures!, But This A Thing I started a while back and now i'm bringing it back for you.

I watch the worst movies ever made, no like bad movie night, oh no no no it's worst where i watch movies so bad most people never heard about them.

I'm Gonna Sit and Watch movies that are so bad that most can only be found vhs, so sit back and enjoy pain as i give the smelly,Disgusting, and Just Down Right Trashy Details of the Bottom old Moldy crust and the worst movies ever made.

I watch em so you don't Have too.

Welcome the The Era of CAMR Cheap-Ass Movie Reviews.

The Basement (1989) - Voice Overs 2/10

This 80's Horror Flick is obviously A Rip of The 1972 Classic Tales From The Crypt. With The Same Feel of Four Clueless People End Up in A Dark enclosed room and a man or something else speaks to them and tells them they're all dead. The Plot Goes Like This The Four People In the Room Have Died and Done Something Wrong or Evil. The Cryptkeeper (1972), in this Case The Basementkeeper Shows Each Person The Wrong they did as if it didn't happen yet and there is still hope. After all the wickedness tales of death and murder are done, The Man Tells Them there is only one way out and it's through a door that points at which has the the firery pits of hell for where they are damned too. The Movie Has Terrible acting, Awful Voice Overs,Bad Camera Work and Just Bad writing. The 1972 Tales From the Crypt Wasn't the Best But it was Still well done. This movie has No point but only to be a rip off of something great. I got the vhs to this movie for 0.10 and that isn't even wroth it.

10 cents? Probably had a better ending than Mass Effect 3! c:

Redneck Zombies (1989) - I Hear Banjos 3.5/10

This Extremely Low Budget movie, is movie funny then scary. Have Comical value around every corner. It's Not Good but it isn't the worst. If you want a good laugh for cheesy one liners and cheesy writing all together i recommend this movie. The Plot is a Barrel of Toxic Waste Falls off a truck in the backwoods of in the middle of no where. Some local moonshiners find it and use it for a still. When they get back to their site they crack it open, the toxic waste gets in the corn mesh used for making shine when they are dumping. The waste makes the moonshine green, the moonshine and his 3 sons Junior,Jethro, and Billy Bob(Elly May) start making the moonshine. Then They Get Billy Bob(Elly May) To Deliver it. The People Who Drank The Moonshine Turned into zombies. A Group of Hikers and the Guy Who lost the Barrel in the first place to fighting the zombies. The Movie Ends with a Family of zombies eating a corpse. The Movie Wasn't As Bad As I intended it to be, it was a good movie for some cheap laugh and corny puns.

The Gate (1987) -Heavy Metal Music Might Be Evil 6/10

This Tale of Hell on Earth is a 80's Masterpiece, have lovable and hatealbe Characters , A Family Removes a tree from there back yard but it's a gateway to The Fiery Depths of hell. The Main Characters of this movie are two boys and one of the boys sister. One of the Boys sees his dead mother in the middle he happy to see her, hugs her and then it turns into the boy's dog who has just die. The Boy with the dead mother goes home to find his father is on a busisness trip. I gonna start using their names now. So Glen and terry are the two boys and al is the sister. Terry Starts listening to his Metal records, which has a bunch of weird hidden message about demons and explains some the freaky stuff that happen over at glen and al's house that night. So Glen and Al have to take care of the dog body, Al has one of her friends take it to the drop zone for dead animals as her and her other friends go to the mall, glen goes to hang out with terry. The drop zone was close so the friend that Al has take care of it Buries the dog the in backyard in the spot where to the tree was, This was like a sacrifice to the demons making it so they can come and take over the world. Later everyone goes back to Glen and Al's House and the demons start attacking with no holds barred tacticals. They posed as there pareents and then they scramed you been bad, the father's face started melting and the mother laughing like she was pure evil. Phone warped in the wall and all kinds wicked Crazy stuff. but they go to hole and start reading from the bible to close this gate and it only pissed them off. Terry got taken by some demons and became one him self, Al stabs him in the eye with a toy doll too stop him. Then Al got Taken and it was all up to glen to kick some demon ass. the main Demon came and grab Glen's Hand and Put A Third Eye on it and then Glen stab the eye and blew up the demon with a Power Toy Rocket Sending it back to hell. Al and Terry came unharmed and even the Dog Came Back. The End

Die You Zombie Bastards- Sexual Psycho Cannibals 3.5/10

This is a wtf movie, A Cannibal Murderous Sex Addict Couple Share True Love When a Journey of Zombies, Serial Killers, Horny Australian Women, and A Creepy SOB With Mess Fetish Attack. The Wife is Kidnapped By This Crazy Psycho Who is Hell bent on Turing The World into his Zombie Salves. The Husband Most Become a Superhero wear Human Flesh as his Costume, He Travel to A Story Teller who tells him about A Serial Killer That Has Nothing to do with journey and gives him a name of a place and picture of some woman he needs to find tits. He Fight Zombies and Horny Australian Women to get to the man who took his wife. This Movie Is Really Messed Up But and Stupid but so much so it's funny. I Don't Really Recommend it but if you watch you may get a couple laugh and Definitely Some wtfs. and this movie has alot of 22:41s.

Lark Dawkins wrote:10 cents? Probably had a better ending than Mass Effect 3! c:

Oooooooooh! TAKE THAT BIOWARE!

Lesbian Vampire Killers- A Sword With a Metal Penis- 5/10

Pretty Much about Lesbian Vampires, Attacking Young Male Travelers in a small British Village, and Two Guys and a girl have to stop the lesbian vampires. when a lesbian vampire is killed a explosion of white blood spreads everywhere. This Movie is one you watch for a good laugh. It has sexy women,funny shit and lots of violence. Fletch is a badass. if you go tracking down this movie it has another name witch is just vampire killers.

Blown(2006)- Voodoo,Sex and Strippers- 3.5/10

First of All What Has Been Seen Can not be Unseen, it Can not be unseen.

A Voodoo Priestess Takes Revenge on Her Loud Partying Neighbors, By Taking Over a Blow Up Doll Bought a joke for a friends Bachelor Party and Goes on A Killing Rampage By kill Strippers,Porn Freaks and All Kinds of people. This Movie Really Has No Point and is a video quality is crappy .
                                                                 Warning Do Not Watch This Movie It can not be unseen.

Bonus: Zombies Gone Wild- Zombie Girls and Dumbasses 2/10

It's Just Bad, So Bad Don't Watch It, Blown is Better and That's about a killer voodoo Blow up Doll, Yeah It's That Bad.

The Slumber Party Massacre(1982)- 22:41 and Blood- 4.5/10

This Is Your Typical 80's Slasher Flick, There is Killer on the loose and he's killer teenagers, The End,
It's Not That Bad the acting is a little cheesy but what do you expect from a 80's low-budget Slasher movie. There are A lot of nude scenes in this 1980's trash can classic, so it makes it worth. There is not a lot of gore just some blood here and there. It's Not that bad of a movie.

Flash Gordon (1980) - Flaaaaash Aaaaha 6/10
Aug 29/13

Flash Gordon is a NY Jets Player who must save the world from the evil empire ming, This a 80's classic with a Queen Theme song makin' it fu*kin' awesome.Football,Space Travel And Kickin' Ass Nuffin' More American Than That Expect Freedom Bear. Watch this Movie It's A Great for some badass Fun.

Nugent wrote:Flash Gordon (1980) - Flaaaaash Aaaaha 6/10
                          Aug 29/13

Flash Gordon is a NY Jets Player who must save the world from the evil empire ming, This a 80's classic with a Queen Theme song makin' it fu*kin' awesome.Football,Space Travel And Kickin' Ass Nuffin' More American Than That Expect Freedom Bear. Watch this Movie It's A Great for some badass Fun.

Interest... Peaked