i hope this isn't chrisssss bloodborne. SANIC O6 OF LIFE

How to Get Out of Bed
Out of the many hardships in life - divorce, broken bones, cancer, or getting four square blocks in a row in Tetris when you have nowhere to put them – getting out of bed in morning is the most arduous. Imagine a b-list celebrity doing a commercial for the afflicted, “Hi, I’m Sarah McLachlan. Everyday millions of Americans are forced leave the comfort of their beds and have the weight of the day crash in on them and destroy their peaceful dreams. For just a dollar a month you can help those who aren’t in need, but are very annoyed.” Queue the b-roll of sobbing sleepers clutching their pillows as their alarm clocks shatter the unconscious state they were in. As often as sleepers struggle with their ascendance from their coffins, a process has formed. The Snooze, The Roll over, The Second Roll over, The Contemplation, The Death Wails for Coffee, and lastly The Inevitability.
Before any of this process begins the sleeper’s alarm clock rudely interrupts his brain conversation with itself. Sometimes a clap of thunder will coincide with a disruption in a dream, putting he or she in a more philosophical state of mind than the fogginess of morning should allow. Never the less, the restless dreamer strikes the snooze button.
After signing a peace treaty with the snooze button, the dozer rolls over and closes their heavy eye shutters and tries to ignore the rude interruption. Maybe attempting to finish an interesting dream or maybe start a new more vivid one before the reality of the day sets in. Either way they certainly aren’t thinking about their alarm clock declaring war again in 5 minutes.
The dreamer is in a still yet moving field, flowers petals afloat in the breeze. Then suddenly a unicorn gallops into the meadow and stops right in front of the dreamer. The unicorn begins to open its mouth and out comes the voice of Morgan Freeman,
“You are the smartest, best looking, most interesting, and funniest person in the world. People should worship you,” The unicorn neighs.
You take unicorn’s majestic head gently in your hands and say, “I know most magical unicorn. I know.”
ERRR! ERRR! ERRR! ERRR! The shriek shocks the fantasist awake. With the realization that it’s their alarm sounding for round 2, he or she performs a rotating slap on the snooze switch the propulsion of which catapults them into their second roll over.
After the next alarm the day dreaming is dead and the third step begins. The bed dweller stares at the clock contemplating the consequences of staying in be all day. I don’t need my job! I’ll go live in a dumpster and get into adventures with homeless people. Don’t have to worry about showering, looking nice, putting on airs. I’m already the perfect human being the unicorn said so. Alas looking at all of the nice things in the reluctant riser’s bedroom he remembers whose legs he’s on.
“Coooooooofffffffeeeeeeeee,” a ghoulish wail let out by the bed ridden zombie. Warm, succulent, bold coffee that puts a skip in the step and a smile on the face. If only the mattress monster could part from his warm bed and make the trip for the liquid of life. The idea of ending the love affair with is his bed torn his heart in two. Could he depart from his cradle and face the nightmare of morning?
Finally the inevitability of the day slices through the manmade wall of denial. Practical sensibility no longer cast aside, the former bed dweller rises and takes a step out of bed. Sluggishly drifting into the kitchen to receive some holy nectar. Coffee in hand the groggy drugie slowly blinks out the window, trying to take in the sunshine.
Leaving the comfort of the bedstead is a daily procedure that go overlooked the majority of the time. It gets filed under the category of “have to do’s” and doesn’t get the attention the strenuous act deserves. Such as vanilla gets put in the “bland” category, when really it is simple perfection. Anytime anybody has to get in the morning their never be able to sleep the night before or maybe they have to stay up late to finish a process essay. Regardless of the reason for the absence of energy there’s always the staple drug of coffee to fill that absence. Do drugs, kiddos.