Binary Domain: Teen Angst Galaxy Force!

Chapter One: Aw Sheet

It all started some time ago in the year of 2040. Global warming was real. The world succumbed to the worst of it. Nearly all the major cities became flooded and evil birds raged war on humanity. Thankfully after the first day, the birds simply returned to the skies, never to bother our windshields again. With little to no options left, we had to build new cities on top of the old cities. But the birds killed most of humanity, forcing us to rely on robots to build the new cities. I never trusted them robots. I call them Scrapheads. They killed my pet bunny. Now my best friend Pawl Big Bo and I work for the government to hunt and kill Japanese robots. Cause Japan isolated itself from the rest of the world and became of source of evil and doom and stuff. By the way, you can call me EDGE MAVERICK Dan Marshall Redfield, son of legendary hero, Chris Redfield. Also its 2080 now, just wanted to get that part straight.
This mission started like any other before. Wet. Big Bo and I stealth swam into Japan all the way from New York. We were here due to events from 10 days ago in Detroit where a crazy robot who thought he was a man tore his face off and revealed that he was a Japobot. Then the day after, a meeting was held by President of the World, my dad, Chris Redfield to discuss this case. During the meeting, it was revealed that General Ninny Pendlewacker thought that he was a robot and ripped his own face off. He died shortly after. President Redfield declared that a covert ops mission to be put into action to find and arrest the man who built all of the Japobots and nanomachines, Hideo Kojima. Damn man, I thought this mission would be a cakewalk.
We swam through agonizingly cold waters to hitch a ride on the Titanic 5 and crashed it through the wall of a manufacturing facility and quickly dismounted as it began to sink like its sisters. They didn't know what hit them, so I felt bad and tripped an alarm on purpose. Bo was so pissed as we ran through the facility, dodging Robullets and Robombs.
And then there it was. Metal Gear... it couldn't be. Using my cunning brilliance, I lured it in front of a crane with a pair of ID tags and sent it through a wall. That right there was the best thing I had ever done, because it revealed the mother of all water slides. Oh boy, did we have fun sliding down that. Problem was, however, a bunch of Scrapheads were waiting for us at the bottom. So we blew them all up. Then a bunch of little kids mugged us. Can't bring myself to shoot a child... they're too soft, gotta shoot hard things, like robots.
We spent the rest of the night following smoke signals to meet up with the rest of the infiltration unit. Another brush with Metal Gear Steve was quickly interrupted as Tomboy McChicks ruined my attempt at claiming its head as a trophy by blowing it up with her stupid rocket launcher. Bo and I were just fine by ourselves.... She was partnered with a British guy, he told me his name but I can't understand English too well, only American. So I named him Phishencheps. And then she appeared. Some Chinese chick that Bo recognized from his pornos. Damn she was hot. Apparently she could speak fluent English, but I'm pretty sure she messed that up cause it sounded a lot like American.
So there we were. A ragtag ethically mixed team of bonafide badasses, ready to take on whatever Kojima and his robot army threw at us. Let's do this.